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I love you, but you’re kind of a jerk sometimes

September 6, 2011

If Delta does decide to study psychology and become a therapist/counselor when he “retires,” I’m going to make him a sign with the above title in big, bold letters. It fits most marriage battles, and it fits today’s.*

When Delta can’t sleep, he’ll send me short and sweet emails if he knows I’m at work. I knew he’d be working random hours this week, so I had hoped I’d get them throughout the day today. I did, he sent me some Halloween costume ideas for Baby Girl and some commentary on the latest Disney star scandal. It seemed so normal, like I would see him at home in a few hours.

But shortly after lunch, I got one that said something like this:

“Sorry, chaos here…sh*ts goin down.”

After the unavoidable spike in my blood pressure and the freezing sweat that seems to rise from my chest instead of oozing out of my pores, my immediate reaction was to pray and to check the news feeds coming from the Middle East, nothing. I re-read it. “goin” has neither a “g” nor an apostrophe, this is bad. BBC, nothing. Al-Jazeera, nothing. I tear up. I re-read it again. I try to distract myself with ad leads and emails, nothing. This continues for about an hour.

Then, something: “I’ve told you before, the most dangerous part of the world is always in my immediate circumference…stop worrying.”

Not nice.

Full disclosure: I know that statement is the truth. It was funny when he was in a fraternity, now it’s the truth. I had serious misgivings about Delta’s new job when he joined. Not just the this will control our lives, kind of misgivings, but the I know exactly what that machine is designed to do kind. I knew he wouldn’t be delivering food and medicine to orphans. But I had promised him my full support.

He used to do the same thing with TDYs. He’d say “I can’t tell you,” then someone in his squadron would post a picture on Facebook. Sometimes I thought that he just liked the mystery, maybe he could play James Bond and I would find that irresistible. He once made the mistake of telling me about a place of worship that had served four religious denominations in the past dozen centuries, rookie. I knew exactly where he had been. Since then his knowledge of European history and ancient mythology has been in a epic, never-ending battle with my knowledge of Middle Eastern history and politics.

When he got the orders for this deployment, he didn’t tell me where he’d be. It’s pointless, he said, you’re going to call everyone you know who’s been there in the last few years and by the time I get there everything will have changed. Well, he was half right.

I guess I can let him off the hook in light of the fact that he saved me several months of instant breakdowns. But it doesn’t matter, every story I read and picture I see drains the blood from my head until I have found the exact location and time. Until I hear from him I’m on edge. I jump when I see someone in dark clothes. I scream if I bump into someone. My family and coworkers may have gotten used to it, but I never will.

*This actually happened a while ago, I just didn’t post it right away.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Ems permalink
    September 6, 2011 11:15 am

    I’ll yell at him for you 🙂 much love

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